3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
