You're my little dorito
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
