She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
