Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
