im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
