The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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