my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
