We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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