I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
