I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
