Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
