why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
