now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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