he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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