i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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