So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
