I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
