That's intense
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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