My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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