dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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