i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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