Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
