you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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