at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
