My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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