im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
