and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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