i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
