remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
