Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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