that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do vagina's smell?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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