i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
