I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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