when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
