Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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