I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
