she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I see more hoeing in ur future
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