i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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