I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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