Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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