Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
