How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
