OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ok first of all what the fuck
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
