Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
