Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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