"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
