he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
