I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
