yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
