So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
