don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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