I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And then the night went full on bisexual.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
