i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
