That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
