I am spending my child support on dildos
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
