3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize