The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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