Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
