I'm really into asian looking animals
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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