I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
