I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
