So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
