i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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