I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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