whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
