end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
