Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
whose parrot is this?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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