A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize