I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
