It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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