Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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